In my head, torrents of rain beat my nerve vessels while the walls of my skull contract, harshly scrubbing my throbbing brain. Armageddon has begun and it has begun in my head. The world I once roamed proudly as creator and happy citizen is in complete upheaval. Nights are the worse. There is no moon to speak of and the shadows seemed to have gotten darker. Hope is a four letter word that lost its value at the same time the sun lost its reflection.
Rubble is all that remains of a paradise that once graced the landscape of my mind. Rubble and creatures the likes I have never been able to conceive. I feel like I am in a foreign world and yet I know I am in my own head. Sleep is a luxury I seek but rarely find. Nutrition could calm the quakes in my belly but then nutrition too is a luxury I have lost. Life is lived or killed while the darkness passes. I couldn’t tell you how long will the darkness last? I wish I knew. Unfortunately, uncertainty is the only promise. Memories are new nightmares that taught you with a life that will never be again. The songs that celebrated life and love and gave us such joy only demean the nostalgia their sounds bring.
Occasionally I will find spurts of sunshine. They make me want to shed my coats and dressings to let my skin breathe in the sunshine cleaning my filth filled pores. I am heavier from the filth. It fills me like an unwelcomed lover seeking to unload his regrets and fears. I reek of death and despair. It is how I survive. The shadows feed on fresh meat. Sustaining this coat of filth and misery lets me seep through the wretched and displaced stealthily as seek what remnants of light survive.