CONSUMER RESPONSIBILITY and LAZY HEIFERS

Disclaimer: Due to the amount of rage built up during my retail experience some language I have chosen may be found offensive by some people. Parental discretion is advised. I was really pissed off!

At some point in Western Culture, shopping became a sport. We don't give medals or hold shopping tournaments. We do have white sales and clearance sales. As a people we try to get the most for our dollar and will forget all manners and forms of respect to get the best bargain possible. Having worked in retail for over ten years, I have found the public to be less than desirable and most irresponsible when it comes to shopping. Westerners have become lazy consumers who expect more than what they are willing to or are actually paying for.

So many people shop without worry of consequence. Systems are set in place to help us make purchases, returns, cancellations and changes. Sometimes the fine print is written in a lost language but it is there for us to scrutinize, challenge or simply accept.

Why is there a fine print? Why is everything not in plain view or made obvious? Now I would argue that most places are clear on return policies and make returns easy. There are a few like those bastards at AOL who are misleading. I missed a fine print somewhere and was charged for service when I tried a free trial. Then they refused to give me my money back. I felt robbed and pissed off that the representative tried to offer me a different service. Just cancel my mother fucking service and quit charging me for something that I do not use. It is my responsibility to pay attention, and I thought I had paid close attention when providing my billing information as proof that I am over 18. I screwed myself because they tell me that gave them authorization to charge me. It is not enough money to sue them over but it is enough to infuriate me and not have anything to do with them ever again. My lesson learned is to pay close attention to fine print and ask questions when trying to get something for free. It was useless to get mad at the operator. It was not her fault I did not do my part as a consumer. I called expecting them to pay me back for my mistake. I thanked the operator for canceling my service and told her I would be more careful next time.

Like I said, I work retail for a living. I deal with people all the time who only meet us halfway and expect us to pick up their slack. Customers want us to correct their mistake and get irate when we cannot do so or do not understand what needs to be corrected. As retail associates and managers we are willing problem solvers but only can control what is within our power. And of course, we are always ready to fix our own mistakes. Understand that mistakes will happen.

If you want a refund, bring your receipt and credit card. Don't expect every store to have the latest technology in pos systems. Just because one store was able to invest in a high end cash register does not mean everyone has the same system and capabilities. In addition, bring your items back within a reasonable amount of time. We have to try and resell the shit you are returning. If you return something six months later, we have a hard time selling it, and we are unable to sell said shit at the price we returned to you.

Read your receipt! The return policy is printed on there! This way you are not surprised when they say no to your return. Save your receipt. Don't expect the store to remember who the hell you are regardless of how much you spend over the years. The staff barely knows each other how are they gonna remember your chump ass!

Be nice to sales people. They are handling your personal information. Don't piss them off! You are buying bullshit really. You are not buying a heart or a lung. This purchase will not cure cancer or feed the homeless. Your spending money will not stop terrorism or solve education issues. So calm the fuck down. Most sales people are glad to help correct mistakes, deal with damages or help make a bad situation right. They are unwilling to go that extra mile if you come in with both guns blasting. Don't barge in like you are gonna rob a bank or someone is gonna rob you! Chill out and just explain the situation, most dilemmas have an easy fix. We could do it nice or we could do it rough depending on how dirty you want to get!

There really should be guidelines on how to act as a consumer. I believe there are ten rules by which people should shop:

1. We could care less how much money you have spent in our store. We treat you the same whether you spend $5.00 or $5000.00. The more money you spend only lets me know that you will be more trouble. You shouldn't expect better treatment based on how much cash you drop in our store. We work retail and obviously do not care about making money. It is not our fault that you are to lazy to shop around and want one-stop shopping. Being a long-time shopper does not entitle you to special treatment, It only means you have lots of time on your hands and disposable income.

2. Don't expect everyone to know what the hell you are thinking. We do not read minds and were not with you when you had that epiphany this morning. Do not get mad at us for not understanding your less than descriptive cry for something you saw on the Internet.

3. Do not expect everything to be in stock at your whim. Other people are on top of their game and shopped us before you. We do sell out of items. Catalog/Internet only means Catalog/Internet only. We don't what the fuck it looks like, feels like nor have can we ship it for free! So don't ask damn it. We have less pull than you with our employer. So don't ask. All stores show the same thing and we cannot find it anywhere near us to show you, so don't ask. We are not lying when we tell you we do not have it! Why would we not want to sell you something! Duh!

4. Do not shop when you are in a hurry. We are not all on the same time schedule as you. Just because you are in a hurry does not mean we need to be all of a sudden. Contrary to popular belief, you are not the only person in the world and must wait sometimes to be waited on! This is not personal, this is business. We will not have a personal shopper for every customer. Be realistic. If you need to pick up the kids in five minutes, we will not make everyone else wait for you to get "what you need." You are not buying a cure for your sudden onset of cancer! You can get it later.

5. Not all stores are the same. Nor are they all owned by the same company. You cannot return items from one store to a different store. This is common sense.

6. The clerks do not have direct access to your personal financial accounts so if you forget your credit cards, you are screwed. Do you really want us having such easy access to your account. In addition, returns are not always automatic. I only know of two stores that do this.

7. Complaints really do fall on deaf ears. We do not give a shit about your whining and like even less to hear it. You want to complain, call corporate. Call Oprah! Call someone who will give a shit! Honestly, we get paid weather you leave happy our think we are assholes. We are nice people and are glad to help you out. Try calling us when you have something nice to say or when we made your day. Be compelled for a change to compliment instead of ready to scream, bitch and whine!

8. Yelling does not make us go the extra mile. When you call us fucking idiots, we shut down. Why should I help someone I do not know who is psychotic over a damaged product that we could easily replace for you if you had simply asked. We really are here to help you but, you fucked that up by yelling.

9. Save your damn receipts. You can save little Jimmy's first tooth and horrible first grade art work but you would lose a receipt for a $1000.00 purchase. Jimmy is 25 now and you still have that rotten tooth. You cannot save a receipt from one week to the next! What the fuck? And don't forget to read the damn thing. Trees are dying everyday and all you do is shove it in the bag or worse, leave without it! Wasteful. And what is so hard about keeping the packaging that your purchase comes in? It's a plastic bag we're talking about. We don't need you to return it folded perfectly but return your purchase with the original packaging.

10. Remember what the hell you bought! How the hell should I remember what you bought three days ago during one of the busiest shopping times of the year. You bought it and you don't remember. Really? Really? You just dropped $1000 and don't know what the hell you bought. Really?

Follow these rules and we should have a good experience. Why is this so hard. I am not a magician pulling shit you bought five years ago out of my ass and hat! We change product regularly. That is what keeps you coming back. Duh! And contrary to popular belief, we do not keep extra pieces and/or hardware for when you break or lose something.

Time is very relevant. Man made time for a reason. We live according to time. We shop according to time. You should make returns according to time. Why would you think it is alright to bring shit back three years after you purchased? Why wouldn't you return your purchase within the first few days of having bought it. That just don't make no kinda' sense. "I have been busy" is not an excuse. Busy doing what, strengthening international relations with Condoleeza Rice? I mean three years. Were you in Ecuador with Doctor's Without Borders? Maybe you have been in a coma. Perhaps you are just remodeling and decided your purchase three years ago does not fit with how you think and plan today's decor. Think about it! What are you thick?
Wow! I could go on and on. And I am sure so many people could relate to this posting. There is so much more. I will definitely have a second posting. Maybe a how-to on handling the difficult customer or how to slap that bitch.

In the beginning...

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