Sick and tired of being sick and tired

I'm sick and tired of
Being sick and tired
Tired of your anger
Sick of counseling your fears
I just want to live
My life, fight my fears
Reach my dreams
I'm sidelined by your issues
I'm counseling your frightened inner child
Making sure you sleep at night
Comforted that I'm not a threat
My nights are spent wide eyed
In fear, I'm frightened
Your fear will find me vulnerable
I'm threatened by your ignorant inner child

Counsel yourself
Leave me the fuck alone
You'll never remember my name
Much less the dreams I've deferred
In hopes you will find the truth
I'm no threat and just want to live

I'm sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
Of your bullshit politics and
Ego driven rhetoric to count my vote
Among your tricks that kiss your ass
I'm not that one
I'm the nigga you love to hate
The brotha at the end of your line
The man you consider less worthy of humanity
Than the broken pets roadside begging for a bone

I'm a man worthy of justice
Deserving of peace and humanity,
The chance to live outside your broken spirit

I'm sick and tired
Just so tired of this fight

Please

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Freedom

I've chosen the cell I live in. Everyday I hope for release. I pray I find a way out of this confinement I have allowed to hold me. I still have not come out to my Mother. For the past 36 years, my world has spin around her light. My world has been made to allow her light to stay bright. I work each day to maintain order and to keep peace. I keeps my Mother happy. I do.

I do.

Someday I will make amends with the regret but I forgive myself. Too many years have fluttered by for me to be angry. Sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm angry. I resent my truth sometimes. And sometimes I resent my choice. But, I made that choice willfully. I live with the consequences. I live with the anger, resentment, and sadness. I make due. They are my blues. I do. I do.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

The Day After

It's winter and rain clouds blanket the city. We find solace in the routine of urban survival. Masses are out hunting and gathering for an easier demise. There is a solace in contributing to your own well being making yourself less of a burden to society. A lack of entitlement and a greater sense of responsibility make for a noble citizen.

Soldiers of fortune at arms, we are marching, fighting, dying for hope. Hope wakes us from slumber. Hopes fuel dreams that drive our ambitions. Hope allows us to hold onto the past with amorous grips opening ourselves to vulnerability so that we may experience love, joy, triumph and fulfillment.

Hope is freedom.
Hope is love.
Hope is life.

The New Year

New year begins and we pray the energy improves. The air is thick with fear and trepidation. Prayers have doubled to any god who will listen. I can taste the desperation. It rests on my tongue like dew slowly saturating my taste buds as if it were the fourth of July and my tongue just tasted a juicy hamburger made with American cheese and mustard and sweet pickles and I'm filled with freedom and pride eating my red, white and blue burger. Only the taste now is not so salacious. It is bitter and greasy, metallic like blood and it fills me with hurt and regret. I am filled even with the regret of mistakes to come. I pray to my God. I pray for a relief to rinse the despair from my mouth and the good fortune to feel right with what is to come and the role I will assume. Thy will be done. Thy wraiths be merciful. Thy judgement be forgiving.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

Lust and Red Velvet

With sincere adoration, and great passion I savored my red velvet cake that I had originally brought for my lunch. It was 9:00 in the morning and I was 20 minutes late this morning which means I had only been at work for about 15 minutes. I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t resist. The rick red velvet cake and diving cream cheese frosting called to me like a mother would call for her lost child. The loving howl shook my heart and honed my senses. I moved helplessly and breathlessly towards the kitchen. I needed a fork. I couldn’t look uncivilized to my coworkers devouring sweet delicacies that early in the morning. I needed heaven in my mouth and I had to have it now. My eagerness was so great I had a skip in my gait. My large frame danced down the hall to the kitchen fetching a fork. I was giddy. I was beside myself with joy following my temporary bliss. The very nature of addiction is to follow a temporary bliss understandably uncontrollably. I had to have it! My bliss would be had as soon as I was able to locate a plastic fork and pop my Tupperware treasure!

I never determined to do anything and failed. - Sojourner Truth

Once And Again: For Bijou from Moochie

I am almost there, I am just so close.
The rapid pace of my heart
labors my breathing.
I am excited,
beside myself with unspeakable joy.

I have fantasized seeing you,
being with you, and touching you.
The very nearness of you
is more than my poor riddled nerves
can handle.

Shaken, inspired,
I tried to wrote of our love
and how my soul yearns to be near
the unquestionably bright light that is you.
Last night, in desperation,
my sad heart cried out your name.
Missing you, my heart wept.

Curled up, I prayed through tears,
to spin time, to be with you. Time,
man's torturous invention,
cruel to only tick by, mocking
my romantic notion and yearning
for my one true love.

I love you.
I do love you so much.
Your heart, mind, that brilliant fear,
and so much so,
I love that you need of me,
want me.
I know there is more.

When two are in love,
everything is a frenzy.
Blinders obstruct our view
and this is just bliss.
Sonnets, songs and harmony fill the air,
we step in tune to love
and find laughter at each bend.

Love is a blessing and
the brightest light to live by.
How privileged am I to know
the kindness of the universe
when you ask and do deserve.

When I am without hope,
when joy is hard to find, I think of you.
My heart is depressed missing you, us.
I call to you
and beg of the skies to find you
and deliver my call.
The clouds pass so slowly,
the wind is of no comfort or haste.
Stars of night are less helpful than passing clouds
blinking at me mocking me like time.

Time and stars are in cahoots
to steal my light and little joy,
Twinkling and ticking a little greener than before.
I have something brighter than the night heavens
with a full and heavy moon.
I have you.

I have you to whittle away the tick of time
till a whisper from you
can be heard across an expanse of longing.
We will know intimacy once again.

Our love is greater than the sea
and its heaviest citizens.
I will have you once again.
We will be together once again.